howdy fucking doody

i hate my life.

i hate myself

i hate the way i look

i hate the way i act

i hate the way i say stupid things just so people aknowledge me

i hate my room

i hate my kitchen

i hate my hair

i hate the way i take my lifes problems and vent everything on to other people

my life has no purpose, no fufillment, no joy. every waking moment is a reminder about how pathetic i am. and before certain people say this, it isn't the game or the fact that i couldn't do the game. and don't say "its just a game" because although decreasing the games meaning in the grand sceme of things makes me feel evn worse because i cant even do that. the game just tipped my stress over the edge. the game is a small piece in the jigsaw that is my problems.

i have no love for what i do. physics, i can do it so i do. job, never could even get an interview. girl, well my lovely personality wins everyone of them over every fucking time. what do i do that makes me so special? let me tell you; i take the piss out of people for the slightest thing, i play meaninless games, i eat, drink, sleep and that is it. it is meaningless, shallow and pathetic.

i have no aptitide for anything other than maths/physicsy stuff. and i mean anything; i am rubbish at music, singing, sports,im average at best on video games, art, dance,talking to people, i can't even type four words on a keyboard without making stupid spelling errors, i go ballistic whenever i fail at a video game, i act like a cunt to people who are supposed to be my friends. honest to whatever equates to god i dont know why they even assiciate with me. i am a stupid fat ugly pathetic meaningless lonely sad bastard.

you want to know how bad. i locked myself in my room and tied a rope round my neck and said i wouldn't take it off untill i could think of a good reason to. after two whole minutes you know what i came up with? nothing, but i was too much of a fucking coward to go through with it.

the end.

ROADTRIP-part one

welcome followers, all three of you, today i begin updates on the progress of the roadtrips progress.
the progress so far:
I saw a film and now want to go on one.
My friend Joel also wants to go on one.
A few others have expressed interest.
not much else.

and so i start by laying all my cards on the table.

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION; Where we go is important, the two choices available to us are Europe; cheaper, safer and we don't have to ship the vehicles seperate to ourselves, or USA more expensive due to having to ship vehicles their seperatly and it being the greediest nation alive. but it has the whole easy rider feel (didnt they die at the end of that?) to it and also has las vegas and miles and miles of straight roads to just take in the world with.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!- We need serious capital to fund this excursion into the unknown. which means jobs, which means me acting like a normal person long enough for people to pay me enough to save quite alot of money to throw at this thing. let me add this up and if anyone has anywa of finding me a cheaper option please share...

Motorbike - about 1000 pounds for an old runner
motorbike lessons - about 750 pounds
tent/sleeping bag - 150pounds
food - 1000 pounds
drink - 500
cooking supplies - 200 pounds
maps/books on countries/ etc.- 50
all together its just over three and a half grand and i dont have anything at the moment but with a job and scrounging i may be able to get tents and sleeping bags the main problems are the food and motorbike lessons and actual bike itself(im hoping ebay can help)