i wish i knew what to do.

the title says it all, one the one side i want to go for it and ask and see where it leads. however on the other side if i do it jeperdise our friendship and i dont know if she feels the same way. i am in quite a pickle because these feelings are so stong and ive never felt anything like this before. and it hurts that im not with her.

meh..

well folks, hope you had a happy halloween. then it'll have been better than mine, which started off well but then suddenly something happens and next thing you know your as depressed as you get and you don't know what to do next. it wasn't the greatest day of my life thats for sure, but hopefully i can move on, get over it and try to cheer myself up. i'm ok as long as im around someone but when alone or in my owwn head for too long i am just fundamentally unhappy with myself, i wish it could all be avoided from here on in. however it doesn't work that way. i'm drawn to the cause in a way i can't describe and my outer shell keeps all signs of unhappyness at bay until i'm alone again.

damn

well, it may aswell be official, there is no chance. it was over before it could begin...

...

...

down with america!

alrighty mongrals and mongrettes, blog time. today i ahve been programming ( and you say i dont know how to have fun.) i am here today though to complain abouyt the big fat counrty known as america! i play xbox360 online and so and subjected to the fat stupid obnoxious gamer american (one of the worst kind) whilst playing gears of war 2 online i am constantly wishing for a european server to restrict me to only playing people in the uk or europe (at least an obnoxious italian sounds cool.) anyway the pointof this is that whilst not being very good att he game they try and compensate by loudly goading the game controlled enimies( which can't hear them) over celibrating simple kills and getting in my way when im actually tryign to do somethign that requires some skill on my part. what i want is a way to take away agming internet form americans because they abuse the privilage and make me regret going online in the first place. i know its not the companies fault because we all know: 'gaming experience may differ online' (meaning: some obnoxious american is gonna swear down your earhole when your child is tryign to play marvel ultimate alliance online, or someone is gonna bother you and wehen you say something they harras you for being english. this may seem like an attack on america, i know there are annoying people all over the world but it seems that the largest congregation of these annoying bastards in the good old USo'A.

hey guys, read this.

hey there readers, yes i know there are very few of you out there. whats going on guys. im just rambling here so this isnt gonna have much of a story to it m but feel free to ask me stuff that i cananswer is subsiquent blogs. im looking for material here so feel free to contribute.

now then my little chickaries

well i told you this was gonna get more regular. today our electric metre ran out and we went to top it up. the first place was shut, so i reccomended the other cornershop i knew. they didnt do it but they directed us to another...the machine was broke and once again off we go to the next reccomended place, he didnt do it, and again off we go then another their machine was broke finnaly we found a londis store that did. we almost had the feeling they wer all in it together taking the piss out of us and the last guy didnt get the call quick enough to be in on it.
well thats all for now cya

PORK AND BEANS!!!

hey there danfans sup y'all. i thought id try regular blogging for a bit so here goes nothing...
today i got abbey road for beatles rockband and a shedload of songs for regular rockband so i have been playing that with housemates all evening
kool huh
well not much else worth mentioning see yas

wtf?!?

hi everyone, how are you guys n gals doin?

gbvjsncoishniojdoinsfdondfnoi cnoj bnjdcno kcnojcnxo bncjb jixcb ijcb ijcxbji cjc

what do i do?

hi, long time no type. long story short; i like this girl, she knows i like her but im not sure how she feels. it would be nice to talk to her about it and get some resolution on the whole subject. it has also been affecting me negativly, im having mood swings and such... anywho i hope i need to put this up here due to a crippling inability to talk about these things to actual people and this seems the best place to therefor aerate my problems.

howdy fucking doody

i hate my life.

i hate myself

i hate the way i look

i hate the way i act

i hate the way i say stupid things just so people aknowledge me

i hate my room

i hate my kitchen

i hate my hair

i hate the way i take my lifes problems and vent everything on to other people

my life has no purpose, no fufillment, no joy. every waking moment is a reminder about how pathetic i am. and before certain people say this, it isn't the game or the fact that i couldn't do the game. and don't say "its just a game" because although decreasing the games meaning in the grand sceme of things makes me feel evn worse because i cant even do that. the game just tipped my stress over the edge. the game is a small piece in the jigsaw that is my problems.

i have no love for what i do. physics, i can do it so i do. job, never could even get an interview. girl, well my lovely personality wins everyone of them over every fucking time. what do i do that makes me so special? let me tell you; i take the piss out of people for the slightest thing, i play meaninless games, i eat, drink, sleep and that is it. it is meaningless, shallow and pathetic.

i have no aptitide for anything other than maths/physicsy stuff. and i mean anything; i am rubbish at music, singing, sports,im average at best on video games, art, dance,talking to people, i can't even type four words on a keyboard without making stupid spelling errors, i go ballistic whenever i fail at a video game, i act like a cunt to people who are supposed to be my friends. honest to whatever equates to god i dont know why they even assiciate with me. i am a stupid fat ugly pathetic meaningless lonely sad bastard.

you want to know how bad. i locked myself in my room and tied a rope round my neck and said i wouldn't take it off untill i could think of a good reason to. after two whole minutes you know what i came up with? nothing, but i was too much of a fucking coward to go through with it.

the end.

ROADTRIP-part one

welcome followers, all three of you, today i begin updates on the progress of the roadtrips progress.
the progress so far:
I saw a film and now want to go on one.
My friend Joel also wants to go on one.
A few others have expressed interest.
not much else.

and so i start by laying all my cards on the table.

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION; Where we go is important, the two choices available to us are Europe; cheaper, safer and we don't have to ship the vehicles seperate to ourselves, or USA more expensive due to having to ship vehicles their seperatly and it being the greediest nation alive. but it has the whole easy rider feel (didnt they die at the end of that?) to it and also has las vegas and miles and miles of straight roads to just take in the world with.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!- We need serious capital to fund this excursion into the unknown. which means jobs, which means me acting like a normal person long enough for people to pay me enough to save quite alot of money to throw at this thing. let me add this up and if anyone has anywa of finding me a cheaper option please share...

Motorbike - about 1000 pounds for an old runner
motorbike lessons - about 750 pounds
tent/sleeping bag - 150pounds
food - 1000 pounds
drink - 500
cooking supplies - 200 pounds
maps/books on countries/ etc.- 50
all together its just over three and a half grand and i dont have anything at the moment but with a job and scrounging i may be able to get tents and sleeping bags the main problems are the food and motorbike lessons and actual bike itself(im hoping ebay can help)

me and my stupid life

Im feeling quite lonely, even when im in a room full of people, im not sure what it is i'm supposed to do but it would be comforting to know its all gonna sort itself out. Most things in life usually do but it seems as if this problem has always been there and always will. i dont get as excited as most people over things like clubbing i'd be happier sat there with a drink watching everyone else have fun, but i dont want to be a buzzkill. also im not the nicest guy, not even close, i can be mean or annoying or both and its only to distract myself from myself, sometimes i think people are better off not knowing me. lets face it all i am is a jerk.